Truth be told, I am feeling overwhelmed in regards to everything that has happened this past week. This past weekend has definitely allowed me to process my thoughts about what I have been exposed to in the townships, however I am still trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with all of these overwhelming feelings. During Tuesday’s distribution process, I felt productive and excited, as I knew 250 families would be provided with food that day. I also felt extremely positive about the contributions I had raised to supply these food parcels that day. After a long morning of unloading and stacking the different food packages into rows for the families to pick up, the pastor of the church began to distribute the food parcels to the assigned families. The food parcels are assigned to those people in the community that “qualify” as the most needy. So, the first 250 people who were “qualified” enough for the food parcel got to take one home to their family. The depressing thing is that everyone should get a food parcel, but there is just not enough support to help out every family in need. A food parcel consisted of a bag of maze, flour, three bags of beans, sugar, chicken, a bottle of cooking oil, rice, and samp. All of these things are pretty basic, but it provides a family of seven or more with food for about a month. When the distribution began, I started to feel really irritated by the entire process. I didn’t like the fact that there were only 250 parcels to distribute, and there were more than 250 people waiting at the church in hopes of maybe getting one. Bottom line, I didn’t like that there wasn’t enough food to feed those in need.
On a different note, I felt like the entire distribution process had been performed over and over again, like it was a routine and everyone was used to getting their name picked for a food parcel. In fact, there were multiple times when I helped a family member carry their parcel outside of the church and got no response from them. I didn’t even get a thank you, or a facial expression, assuring me that that I had helped them out. Then there were some people that smiled with great joy and expressed a thank you to me after I carried out their small distribution of food. I wondered why I wasn’t getting a consistent reaction as I carried their food outside and decided to step outside and reflect on my thoughts about everything that was taking place around me. I came to the conclusion that I was making this experience all about me. Perhaps the reason why some of the people failed to thank me, or to give me at least a smile, was because they were embarrassed. Maybe they felt uncomfortable having 16 Americans assisting them with their food, and felt as though they had failed to provide for their own family. Another possible reason could have been the fact that some of the people don’t speak English, or maybe their cultural norms differ from those in the U.S, more specifically Minnesota. Growing up in a state that is known for being “overly nice,” I guess I expected that I would receive a greater amount of gratitude for the work I was doing for these people. On top of that, I guess I was expecting to get to know the people receiving the food parcels. One of our assigned challenges for the day was to find out a story about someone who was receiving a food parcel. How was I supposed to gain any information about these people when they literally would just take their food and leave? I wanted to know their names, and where they came from. Most of all, I wanted to know why they were on the list to receive a food parcel. My questions were left unanswered and I feel as though my expectations were not met. Looking back now as I have had some time to process my feelings, I realize why we have been told so many times to come into every experience, specifically on this trip, with no expectations. Although I felt let down, it wasn’t about me. This relates to “coming in right.” I am here to listen, and learn from the experiences and stories I hear on this trip. Regardless of how overwhelmed I frustrated I felt that day, I need to remember that I am here to see what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes. I still have a lot to process and really don’t know how I can use what I learned last week for the greater good. However, what I do know is that I am incredibly blessed with a beautiful home, wonderful friends and a great family, a loving boyfriend, countless resources and opportunities, and the talents God has given me.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate all of your love and support:)
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