This past week, our group has discussed some leadership topics we all have seen or experienced during our stay in South Africa. One of the topics that stuck with me personally was presence. Our instructor had our entire group go and walk around either inside or outside, and literally just think about being present. What he meant by this was to think about what you see, hear, listen, taste, and feel; basically he wanted us to use all our five senses. I found it extremely difficult to focus on being present when I had so many things running through my head. I have noticed that whenever I have time to reflect or relax, I end up finding something I could be doing instead. I also know that I am a “people person,” and would rather surround myself with people, than take time out for myself to reflect alone. I think all of these qualities relate to the fact that I don’t like being vulnerable. When I had time to reflect this week, I found ways to stay busy so I wouldn’t have to think about my feelings. When I surround myself with other people, it automatically allows me to forget about the difficult feelings I may be dealing with, and then I can move on. Let’s face it; I have to deal with my feelings at some point right? As I continued to focus on being present during our class activity, I finally was able to let everything go and relax. I noticed the slight breeze outside and just sat peacefully. My head was completely cleared from any thoughts and emotions I had been thinking earlier that day, it felt refreshing. After we all discussed our experiences with this activity, we talked about how “presence” was used during our experience in Gugulethu. Looking back now, I know I was not fully present. In fact, I think I was more occupied by how I was feeling and how others were feeling during the week. I was so concerned about my own personal well being, that I overlooked a lot of the stories and experiences we had last week. I am a little disappointed in myself and somewhat frustrated that I couldn’t focus for an entire hour to listen to a woman tell her story about how she and her son have been living with HIV. As I stood in her damp and small bedroom, I was thinking about how hungry I was, and how bad the room smelt. Looking back, it makes me feel really selfish for the fact that she welcomed us into her home to listen to her story, and all I could think about was food. People are literally fighting for food every day in South Africa, and I have no problem getting three or four meals a day.
I think being aware of these thoughts has definitely shown me how much I have grown over the course of just three weeks. One tool that I took away from our group discussion was to focus on the “right now” aspect of life, instead of planning ahead. I tend to think about how much I have to get done, instead of focusing on the situation that is at hand. I can only take on so much, and everything always get’s done eventually. Another lesson I learned from our discussion is that being present doesn’t involve a whole lot. As quoted from my instructor, “To be present, all you have to do is give yourself. You don’t have to bring a skill or an idea, but just yourself.” The fact that I was simply standing in this woman’s bedroom was enough to show her that I was present. In the larger scheme of things, being present for someone can go a long way and can also make an impact on a larger group of people.
Thanks for reading:) Much love
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